A wife awoke early one morning to the sounds of her husband angrily banging around pots and pans in the kitchens.
When she goes downstairs, she sees that he is looking for something to eat but, more importantly, is very upset about something.
"What's the problem, darling? Didn't your program work?"
"It worked. I wrote that code until the wee hours of the morning, and it worked!"
"Then what's the matter? Were there a lot of bugs in it?"
"I took special pains to eliminate the bugs. It worked, and it worked perfectly!"
"So what's wrong?"
"I was so tired when I finished, I decided to take a little nap, just for a few minutes."
"Did you not sleep well? Did you have a nightmare?" the concerned wife inquired.
"No, I slept perfectly well ... with my head on the backspace key."
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Confessions of a Kid
Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."
Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did. Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.
"Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday."
Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.
Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday. Thank you.
Your friend,
Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.
Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Bobby
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.
Letter 4
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.
Please! Thank you,
Bobby
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.
"Just be home in time for dinner", Bobby's mother told him.
Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.
Bobby began to write his letter to God.
Letter 5
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND ME THE BIKE!!!!!!
"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."
Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did. Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.
"Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday."
Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.
Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday. Thank you.
Your friend,
Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.
Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Bobby
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.
Letter 4
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.
Please! Thank you,
Bobby
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.
"Just be home in time for dinner", Bobby's mother told him.
Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.
Bobby began to write his letter to God.
Letter 5
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND ME THE BIKE!!!!!!
How To Become A Dad
I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter.
She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.
'Why?' my daughter asked. 'Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs' I replied.
At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, 'Momma, how do you know all this stuff, you are so smart.'
I was thinking quickly. 'All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mom Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mom.' We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.
'OH...I get it!' she beamed, 'So if you don't pass the test you have to be the dad. '
'Exactly' I replied back with a big smile on my face.
She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.
'Why?' my daughter asked. 'Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs' I replied.
At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, 'Momma, how do you know all this stuff, you are so smart.'
I was thinking quickly. 'All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mom Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mom.' We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.
'OH...I get it!' she beamed, 'So if you don't pass the test you have to be the dad. '
'Exactly' I replied back with a big smile on my face.
THREE FRIENDS
Three Khoja friends meet after many years.
Two of them have just returned from spending some years in the new motherland, Canada .
The first one says, "When I went to Canada , they nicknamed me Sad because my full name is Sadru!"
The second one says, "When I went to Canada , my neighbours called me Bad because my full name is Badru!"
The third one says, "I am never going to Canada , my name is FAKHRU!"
Two of them have just returned from spending some years in the new motherland, Canada .
The first one says, "When I went to Canada , they nicknamed me Sad because my full name is Sadru!"
The second one says, "When I went to Canada , my neighbours called me Bad because my full name is Badru!"
The third one says, "I am never going to Canada , my name is FAKHRU!"
BEST WOMEN2 MARRY
Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they were all taken care of by Joe the Bellboy. The first man married a nurse. Joe showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy. Nurses are known to be hot to trot".
The second man married a telephone operator. Joe showed them to their room and thought to himself,"Wow, he`s a lucky one. Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top button...".
The third man married a school teacher. Joe showed them to their room and thought to himself "poor guy, she`s pretty but teachers are just too frigid".
The next morning Joe reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected only the teacher`s husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two would call much later in the day.
6:00 a.m.
The phone rings it`s the nurse`s husband wanting breakfast. The nurse`s husband opened the door and Joe stepped back in shock. The man`s pajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.
Joe asked, "What happened sir? You married a nurse."
The man sourly replies, "Son, don`t ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was her nagging voice saying " you`re not sanitary, you`re not sanitary".
Joe went back down to the main desk to wait for the next call.
6:30 a.m.
The telephone operator`s husband calls for breakfast. Joe brings it as fast as possible hoping for the best. The man opens the door and Joe stepped back in shock. The man`s hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed.
Joe asks," What happened? Telephone operators are suppose to be as sexy as their voices."
The man sourly replies "Son, don`t ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was her a nasal voice saying, "your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up."
Joe went back down to the desk, just knowing the teachers husband will be calling any minute.
4:30 p.m.
The teacher`s husband called for breakfast. Joe can`t believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couples room. The man opened the door and Joe took a step back in shock. He wore only his boxers and his hair was a mess. He had scratch marks on his chest, arms and legs.
Joe fearing the worst asked " What happened to you? Did you have a fight?"
The man smiles and happily replies, "No. Son, when you marry be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying "We are going to do this over and over, until we get it right."
The second man married a telephone operator. Joe showed them to their room and thought to himself,"Wow, he`s a lucky one. Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top button...".
The third man married a school teacher. Joe showed them to their room and thought to himself "poor guy, she`s pretty but teachers are just too frigid".
The next morning Joe reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected only the teacher`s husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two would call much later in the day.
6:00 a.m.
The phone rings it`s the nurse`s husband wanting breakfast. The nurse`s husband opened the door and Joe stepped back in shock. The man`s pajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.
Joe asked, "What happened sir? You married a nurse."
The man sourly replies, "Son, don`t ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was her nagging voice saying " you`re not sanitary, you`re not sanitary".
Joe went back down to the main desk to wait for the next call.
6:30 a.m.
The telephone operator`s husband calls for breakfast. Joe brings it as fast as possible hoping for the best. The man opens the door and Joe stepped back in shock. The man`s hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed.
Joe asks," What happened? Telephone operators are suppose to be as sexy as their voices."
The man sourly replies "Son, don`t ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was her a nasal voice saying, "your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up."
Joe went back down to the desk, just knowing the teachers husband will be calling any minute.
4:30 p.m.
The teacher`s husband called for breakfast. Joe can`t believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couples room. The man opened the door and Joe took a step back in shock. He wore only his boxers and his hair was a mess. He had scratch marks on his chest, arms and legs.
Joe fearing the worst asked " What happened to you? Did you have a fight?"
The man smiles and happily replies, "No. Son, when you marry be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying "We are going to do this over and over, until we get it right."
sms
Logo ko kehte suna
Love Daily SMS? Click here to join this group
Logo ko kehte suna aksar,
zinda rahe to phir milenge...
magar iss dil ne mehsus kiya hai...
Milte rahenge to zinda rahenge...
............ ......... ......... ......... ........
Har ishk ka matlab gam nahi hota,
duriyan badhne se pyar kam nahi hota,
waqt bewaqt ho jati hai aankhen nam
kyonki yaadon ka koi mausam nahi hota.
............ ......... ......... ......... ........
Sar jhukaoge to pathar devta ho jayega
Use itna mat chaho woh bewafa ho jayega
Main khuda ka naam lekar pi raha hun dosto
Zehar bhi usme agar hoga to dava ho jayega
Hum bhi dariya hai hame apna hunar malum hai
Jis taraf bhi chal padenge rasta ho jayega
............ ......... ......... ......... ........
Mere sath sath sada raha woh meri nazar se chupa hua,
Ye ajeeb si jo misal hai na kabhi mila na juda hua.
Jise le gai hai abhi hawa woh varak tha dil ki kitab ka,
Kahin ansuo se likha hua kahin ansuon se mita hua.
Love Daily SMS? Click here to join this group
Logo ko kehte suna aksar,
zinda rahe to phir milenge...
magar iss dil ne mehsus kiya hai...
Milte rahenge to zinda rahenge...
............ ......... ......... ......... ........
Har ishk ka matlab gam nahi hota,
duriyan badhne se pyar kam nahi hota,
waqt bewaqt ho jati hai aankhen nam
kyonki yaadon ka koi mausam nahi hota.
............ ......... ......... ......... ........
Sar jhukaoge to pathar devta ho jayega
Use itna mat chaho woh bewafa ho jayega
Main khuda ka naam lekar pi raha hun dosto
Zehar bhi usme agar hoga to dava ho jayega
Hum bhi dariya hai hame apna hunar malum hai
Jis taraf bhi chal padenge rasta ho jayega
............ ......... ......... ......... ........
Mere sath sath sada raha woh meri nazar se chupa hua,
Ye ajeeb si jo misal hai na kabhi mila na juda hua.
Jise le gai hai abhi hawa woh varak tha dil ki kitab ka,
Kahin ansuo se likha hua kahin ansuon se mita hua.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Idiot
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him,
"So, what was wrong?"
He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired:
"An ID ten T error?
What's that ... In case I need to fix it again?"
The computer guy grinned....
"Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"
"No," I replied.
"Write it down," he said, " and I think you'll figure it out." So I wrote out ...... I D 1 0 T
"So, what was wrong?"
He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired:
"An ID ten T error?
What's that ... In case I need to fix it again?"
The computer guy grinned....
"Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"
"No," I replied.
"Write it down," he said, " and I think you'll figure it out." So I wrote out ...... I D 1 0 T
kanjibhai
Long long time ago, before he got married, was travelling from Ahemadabad to Bombay by train. Rupaben was also travelling in the same compartment except that they both didn't know each other in the beginning.
Once they started talking, they realized they both had a lot in common.
Both were Single.
Both were Gujaratis.
Both were going to Bombay.
Both were Schoolteachers.
Both were starting a new job at the Mithibai College.
They seemed to hit it off well and decided to be roommates in Bombay and made a pact that they would do everything together. So they lived in the same house, travelled to the college together on Kanjibhai's scooter, had lunch in the staff room together, returned home together.
They were watching the TV together, eating dinner together and were also sharing the same bedroom and ...EVEN sharing the same bed.
The only problem was Rupaben was placing a pillow between them at bedtime, much to the frustration of Kanjibhai; who ended up spending many sleepless nights with this most desirable beauty besides him, separated by the pillow. Kanjibhai's frustration had built up to such an extent that he could take it no more, and ended up deciding to drink.
So one day he took off from the college leaving Rupaben on her own. She was quite upset, but made it home by auto rikshaw. The pact had been broken so she decided not to open the door for Kanjibhai when he got home drunk at about 2 AM.
Kanjibhai knocked on the door for about 20 minutes and pleaded with his roommate to let him in. After listening to his crap for 20 minutes, Rupaben said, " Where the hell did you disappear today? We decided to do everything togather! Now you sleep outside". Kanjibhai, "I will jump over the wall and come in if you don't open the door right now!"
Rupaben says, "Huve...reva de! Reva de! Chaar mahina thaya... TU to pillow in upar thi jump na karisakio...to deewal upar thi su jump karvano !!!
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* Why Women Cant be A Mechanic?
* Love (old pictures)
* HOW HAPPY IS LIFE WITHOUT A GIRLFRIEND
Once they started talking, they realized they both had a lot in common.
Both were Single.
Both were Gujaratis.
Both were going to Bombay.
Both were Schoolteachers.
Both were starting a new job at the Mithibai College.
They seemed to hit it off well and decided to be roommates in Bombay and made a pact that they would do everything together. So they lived in the same house, travelled to the college together on Kanjibhai's scooter, had lunch in the staff room together, returned home together.
They were watching the TV together, eating dinner together and were also sharing the same bedroom and ...EVEN sharing the same bed.
The only problem was Rupaben was placing a pillow between them at bedtime, much to the frustration of Kanjibhai; who ended up spending many sleepless nights with this most desirable beauty besides him, separated by the pillow. Kanjibhai's frustration had built up to such an extent that he could take it no more, and ended up deciding to drink.
So one day he took off from the college leaving Rupaben on her own. She was quite upset, but made it home by auto rikshaw. The pact had been broken so she decided not to open the door for Kanjibhai when he got home drunk at about 2 AM.
Kanjibhai knocked on the door for about 20 minutes and pleaded with his roommate to let him in. After listening to his crap for 20 minutes, Rupaben said, " Where the hell did you disappear today? We decided to do everything togather! Now you sleep outside". Kanjibhai, "I will jump over the wall and come in if you don't open the door right now!"
Rupaben says, "Huve...reva de! Reva de! Chaar mahina thaya... TU to pillow in upar thi jump na karisakio...to deewal upar thi su jump karvano !!!
< Prev Next >
Strange Pics
Strange Pics 7 images
BEAUTIFUL LANGKAWI
BEAUTIFUL LANGKAWI
DMC DeLorean
DMC DeLorean 12 images
Trees
Trees33 images
Socialize this page
Bookmark and Share RSS FEEDS follow me on twitter
Email Subscribe
Enter your email address :
CREATIVE GARDENING
CREATIVE GARDENING11 images
Old is Gold
Old Railway Engines5 images
Bear My Friend
Bear My Friend7 images
Crop Circles
Crop Circles15 images
* Latest Updates
* Popular Articles
* Try To Watch Without Laughing ( Funny )
* Cap Through Glass Bottle ( Magic Trick )
* For Hard workers Only..
* Photos From National Geographic Magazine
* God's Pharmacy is Amazing!
* Young Arnold Schwarzenegger
* 21 REASONS for being VEGETERIAN
* Right Wing Political demonstrators
* Words Of Wisdom
* Weird Shoes
* Cool 3d Floating Art
* Animals from Junk
* Different faces of a same woman
* Why Women Cant be A Mechanic?
* Love (old pictures)
* HOW HAPPY IS LIFE WITHOUT A GIRLFRIEND
Going to School
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.
"Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
Son: "But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
Mother: "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
Son: "Well, the kids hate me, and the teachers too hate me"
Mother: "Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
Son: "Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
Mother: "Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"
"Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
Son: "But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
Mother: "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
Son: "Well, the kids hate me, and the teachers too hate me"
Mother: "Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
Son: "Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
Mother: "Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"
I am a Father
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.
The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father." The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that. "
The priest looked up from his book and answered "I am the Father of many."
The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way.. "
The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said,
"Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."
The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father." The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that. "
The priest looked up from his book and answered "I am the Father of many."
The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way.. "
The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said,
"Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."
The Phone Call
The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear.
"How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having?"
"Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples over for dinner tonight."
The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy.
"Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once."
"George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?"
"Why, George! Your husband!... Isn't this 223-1374?"
"No, this is 232-1374."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number."
There was a short pause and the housewife said,
"Does this mean you're not coming over?"
"How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having?"
"Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples over for dinner tonight."
The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy.
"Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once."
"George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?"
"Why, George! Your husband!... Isn't this 223-1374?"
"No, this is 232-1374."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number."
There was a short pause and the housewife said,
"Does this mean you're not coming over?"
Adam and God
After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman means to him and how blessed he feels to have her. Adam began to ask questions about her.
Adam: Lord, Eve is beautiful. Why did you make her so beautiful?
God: So you will always want to look at her.
Adam: Lord, her skin is so soft. Why did you make her skin so soft?
God: So you will always want to touch her.
Adam: She always smells so good. Lord, why did you make her smell so good?
God: So you will always want to be near her.
Adam: That's wonderful Lord, and I don't want to seem ungrateful, but why did you make her so stupid?
God: So she would love you.
Adam: Lord, Eve is beautiful. Why did you make her so beautiful?
God: So you will always want to look at her.
Adam: Lord, her skin is so soft. Why did you make her skin so soft?
God: So you will always want to touch her.
Adam: She always smells so good. Lord, why did you make her smell so good?
God: So you will always want to be near her.
Adam: That's wonderful Lord, and I don't want to seem ungrateful, but why did you make her so stupid?
God: So she would love you.
LITTLE JOHNNY: A DROP IN THE BUCKET
One day, Little Johnny's grandmother sent him to the water
Hole to get some water for cooking dinner.
As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and ran back to grandma's house as fast as he could.
"Where's my bucket and my water?" She asked.
"I can't get any water from that water hole, there's a mean ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for years,
And he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"
"Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
Hole to get some water for cooking dinner.
As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and ran back to grandma's house as fast as he could.
"Where's my bucket and my water?" She asked.
"I can't get any water from that water hole, there's a mean ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for years,
And he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"
"Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
TWENTY DOLLARS
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate down sizing, and he had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another job.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly$1 million.
Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million.
She explained that she had 'charged' him for sex, and these were the results of her savings and investments.
The husband was so astounded he could barely speak. Finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have had sex only with you.'
That's when she shot him.
You know, that's what happens when you don't know when to keep your mouth shut...!!!
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate down sizing, and he had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another job.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly$1 million.
Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million.
She explained that she had 'charged' him for sex, and these were the results of her savings and investments.
The husband was so astounded he could barely speak. Finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have had sex only with you.'
That's when she shot him.
You know, that's what happens when you don't know when to keep your mouth shut...!!!
Kanjibhai - ( Gujju joke )
Long long time ago, before he got married, was travelling from Ahemadabad to Bombay by train. Rupaben was also travelling in the same compartment except that they both didn't know each other in the beginning.
Once they started talking, they realized they both had a lot in common.
Both were Single.
Both were Gujaratis.
Both were going to Bombay.
Both were Schoolteachers.
Both were starting a new job at the Mithibai College.
They seemed to hit it off well and decided to be roommates in Bombay and made a pact that they would do everything together. So they lived in the same house, travelled to the college together on Kanjibhai's scooter, had lunch in the staff room together, returned home together.
They were watching the TV together, eating dinner together and were also sharing the same bedroom and ...EVEN sharing the same bed.
The only problem was Rupaben was placing a pillow between them at bedtime, much to the frustration of Kanjibhai; who ended up spending many sleepless nights with this most desirable beauty besides him, separated by the pillow. Kanjibhai's frustration had built up to such an extent that he could take it no more, and ended up deciding to drink.
So one day he took off from the college leaving Rupaben on her own. She was quite upset, but made it home by auto rikshaw. The pact had been broken so she decided not to open the door for Kanjibhai when he got home drunk at about 2 AM.
Kanjibhai knocked on the door for about 20 minutes and pleaded with his roommate to let him in. After listening to his crap for 20 minutes, Rupaben said, " Where the hell did you disappear today? We decided to do everything togather! Now you sleep outside". Kanjibhai, "I will jump over the wall and come in if you don't open the door right now!"
Rupaben says, "Huve...reva de! Reva de! Chaar mahina thaya... TU to pillow in upar thi jump na karisakio... to deewal upar thi su jump karvano !!!
Once they started talking, they realized they both had a lot in common.
Both were Single.
Both were Gujaratis.
Both were going to Bombay.
Both were Schoolteachers.
Both were starting a new job at the Mithibai College.
They seemed to hit it off well and decided to be roommates in Bombay and made a pact that they would do everything together. So they lived in the same house, travelled to the college together on Kanjibhai's scooter, had lunch in the staff room together, returned home together.
They were watching the TV together, eating dinner together and were also sharing the same bedroom and ...EVEN sharing the same bed.
The only problem was Rupaben was placing a pillow between them at bedtime, much to the frustration of Kanjibhai; who ended up spending many sleepless nights with this most desirable beauty besides him, separated by the pillow. Kanjibhai's frustration had built up to such an extent that he could take it no more, and ended up deciding to drink.
So one day he took off from the college leaving Rupaben on her own. She was quite upset, but made it home by auto rikshaw. The pact had been broken so she decided not to open the door for Kanjibhai when he got home drunk at about 2 AM.
Kanjibhai knocked on the door for about 20 minutes and pleaded with his roommate to let him in. After listening to his crap for 20 minutes, Rupaben said, " Where the hell did you disappear today? We decided to do everything togather! Now you sleep outside". Kanjibhai, "I will jump over the wall and come in if you don't open the door right now!"
Rupaben says, "Huve...reva de! Reva de! Chaar mahina thaya... TU to pillow in upar thi jump na karisakio... to deewal upar thi su jump karvano !!!
LAUGH WITH VIAGRA
At school little Johnny's class is learning about medicines. Sister Catherine, the teacher, asks the pupils what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for.
The first pupil said: 'Tylenol?'
'Very good! And what is it used for?'
'It is used for a headache.'
The second pupil said: 'Nytol.'
'Excellent!' said Sister Catherine. 'And what it is used for?'
'To help you sleep', replied the student.
Now it is Johnny's turn and he said: 'Viagra.'
'And what is it used for, Johnny?' asked the surprised Sister catherine.
'It is used for diarrhea.'
'And who told you this, Johnny?'
'Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father 'take a viagra, and maybe that shit will get harder.''
Sister Catherine fainted.
The first pupil said: 'Tylenol?'
'Very good! And what is it used for?'
'It is used for a headache.'
The second pupil said: 'Nytol.'
'Excellent!' said Sister Catherine. 'And what it is used for?'
'To help you sleep', replied the student.
Now it is Johnny's turn and he said: 'Viagra.'
'And what is it used for, Johnny?' asked the surprised Sister catherine.
'It is used for diarrhea.'
'And who told you this, Johnny?'
'Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father 'take a viagra, and maybe that shit will get harder.''
Sister Catherine fainted.
How To Become A Dad
I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter.
She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.
'Why?' my daughter asked. 'Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs' I replied.
At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, 'Momma, how do you know all this stuff, you are so smart.'
I was thinking quickly. 'All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mom Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mom.' We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.
'OH...I get it!' she beamed, 'So if you don't pass the test you have to be the dad. '
'Exactly' I replied back with a big smile on my face.
She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.
'Why?' my daughter asked. 'Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs' I replied.
At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, 'Momma, how do you know all this stuff, you are so smart.'
I was thinking quickly. 'All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mom Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mom.' We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.
'OH...I get it!' she beamed, 'So if you don't pass the test you have to be the dad. '
'Exactly' I replied back with a big smile on my face.
Insulting a Woman
A newly wed couple Naren and Nita came to live in an apartment where right across lived a young attractive man.
Naren was bragging to his friend, "My wife is so smart that she caught the guy across the window peeping us nude in action into our Apartment. She was so angered that she wanted to go there and kill the bastard, if I didn't stop her."
The highly impressed friend praised, “You are lucky, she seems to be the woman of high family value, principles, and character."
Naren replied, “No man, she got mad when the guy across the window shut his window on us.”
Naren was bragging to his friend, "My wife is so smart that she caught the guy across the window peeping us nude in action into our Apartment. She was so angered that she wanted to go there and kill the bastard, if I didn't stop her."
The highly impressed friend praised, “You are lucky, she seems to be the woman of high family value, principles, and character."
Naren replied, “No man, she got mad when the guy across the window shut his window on us.”
Back at you
One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife,
"Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!!"
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unnoticed.
The next morning the husband took a pair of his underwear out of his drawer.
"What the heck is this??" he said to himself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when he shook them out. "Maria!," he hollered into the bathroom, "Why did you put baby powder in my underwear?"
She replied with a giggle..."It's not baby powder......It's 'Miracle Grow'!"
"Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!!"
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unnoticed.
The next morning the husband took a pair of his underwear out of his drawer.
"What the heck is this??" he said to himself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when he shook them out. "Maria!," he hollered into the bathroom, "Why did you put baby powder in my underwear?"
She replied with a giggle..."It's not baby powder......It's 'Miracle Grow'!"
nsurance Salesman
Peter walks into an insurance office and asks for a job.
"We don't need anyone" they replied.
"You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone, anytime, anything!"
"Well we have two prospects that No One has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, you have a job."
He was gone about two hours, and returned and handed them two checks, one for $25,000.00 and another for $50,000.00.
"How in the world did you do that ?" they asked.
"I told you I'm the worlds best salesman, I can sell anyone, anywhere, anytime!"
"Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him.
"What's that?" he asked.
"Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000.00 the company requires a urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples."
Peter was gone about 6 hours and they were fixing to close when he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down, and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine, and sets them on the desk and says, "Here's Mr. George's and this one is Mr. Robert's."
"Thats good" they said, "but what's in those two buckets?"
"Well, I passed by the Holiday Inn and they were having a teachers convention, so I stopped and sold them a group policy!"
"We don't need anyone" they replied.
"You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone, anytime, anything!"
"Well we have two prospects that No One has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, you have a job."
He was gone about two hours, and returned and handed them two checks, one for $25,000.00 and another for $50,000.00.
"How in the world did you do that ?" they asked.
"I told you I'm the worlds best salesman, I can sell anyone, anywhere, anytime!"
"Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him.
"What's that?" he asked.
"Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000.00 the company requires a urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples."
Peter was gone about 6 hours and they were fixing to close when he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down, and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine, and sets them on the desk and says, "Here's Mr. George's and this one is Mr. Robert's."
"Thats good" they said, "but what's in those two buckets?"
"Well, I passed by the Holiday Inn and they were having a teachers convention, so I stopped and sold them a group policy!"
Handsome American
A crazy Desi was running amuck in central business area of Banglore.
He saw one American guy. He approached him and said, "You are Japanese."
The American said, "No, I am American."
Crazy Desi goes again raising his voice, "No you are Japanese."
The polite American said, "No, No, I am American sir"
Crazy Desi says in yelling voice, "You are Japanese."
The scared American replies in conformance, "Yes, I am Japanese."
The Cooled down Desi goes, "Perhaps, but you look like damn American OK."
He saw one American guy. He approached him and said, "You are Japanese."
The American said, "No, I am American."
Crazy Desi goes again raising his voice, "No you are Japanese."
The polite American said, "No, No, I am American sir"
Crazy Desi says in yelling voice, "You are Japanese."
The scared American replies in conformance, "Yes, I am Japanese."
The Cooled down Desi goes, "Perhaps, but you look like damn American OK."
fruit of labour
Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial.
The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, 'I brought ten apples.' The king then explained the trial to him. 'You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten up.'
Two apples went in?.. But on the third one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy.
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, 'Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?'
The second one replied, 'I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples.'
The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, 'I brought ten apples.' The king then explained the trial to him. 'You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten up.'
Two apples went in?.. But on the third one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy.
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, 'Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?'
The second one replied, 'I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples.'
SUPPLIES
There was an Irishman, a Russian and a Japanese man, all set out on a journey looking for work. They go by a quiet little dusty town and see a sign advertising work in the local coal mine.
The pay is great, so they go off and look for the boss. They find him and he tells them "Well, you know, I don't usually hire foreigners here, but you three seem like a nice bunch, I'll give you a try. I want you, the Irishman, to go back in the mine and work on digging, you have the muscles to get the task done well every day. You, the Russian, I want you to cart out the coal every day and load it into the trains.
And you, the Japanese man, I want you to be in charge of providing supplies to the people in the mine."
Well, on the second day, the boss goes down to th mine to check in on his new employees. He sees the Russian toting coal up out of the mines and loading it onto the trains and he's satisfied. He goes down into the mine to check on the Irishman and the Japanese man. Well, he sees the Irishman digging out the coal, but the Japanese man is nowhere in sight.
He asks the Irishman if he's seen him lately and he responds "No, nobody has seen him all day, we're running low on supplies down here."
Fearing the worst, the boss starts wandering around the mine looking for his worker. Suddenly, out from behind a pile of rubble, the Japanese man jumps out, scaring the crap out of the boss and yells "SUPPLIES!!!"
The pay is great, so they go off and look for the boss. They find him and he tells them "Well, you know, I don't usually hire foreigners here, but you three seem like a nice bunch, I'll give you a try. I want you, the Irishman, to go back in the mine and work on digging, you have the muscles to get the task done well every day. You, the Russian, I want you to cart out the coal every day and load it into the trains.
And you, the Japanese man, I want you to be in charge of providing supplies to the people in the mine."
Well, on the second day, the boss goes down to th mine to check in on his new employees. He sees the Russian toting coal up out of the mines and loading it onto the trains and he's satisfied. He goes down into the mine to check on the Irishman and the Japanese man. Well, he sees the Irishman digging out the coal, but the Japanese man is nowhere in sight.
He asks the Irishman if he's seen him lately and he responds "No, nobody has seen him all day, we're running low on supplies down here."
Fearing the worst, the boss starts wandering around the mine looking for his worker. Suddenly, out from behind a pile of rubble, the Japanese man jumps out, scaring the crap out of the boss and yells "SUPPLIES!!!"
Two Old Indians on a Friday Night Party
TWO OLD INDIAN MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN. AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL.
THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD INDIANS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, "GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED. THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE."
THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD INDIAN MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS.
AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS, "YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!"
"DEAD?" SAYS HIS FRIEND, "WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?"
"WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER."
HIS FRIEND SAYS, "COULD BE WORSE I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH."
"A WITCH, WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?"
"WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW."
THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD INDIANS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, "GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED. THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE."
THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD INDIAN MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS.
AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS, "YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!"
"DEAD?" SAYS HIS FRIEND, "WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?"
"WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER."
HIS FRIEND SAYS, "COULD BE WORSE I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH."
"A WITCH, WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?"
"WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW."
Who is the BEST - Infosys, Wipro or TCS?
One day, three consultants, one from Wipro, one from Infosys and one from TCS, went out for a walk.
"Why don't we prove who is the best among ourselves?"
Why not, said the other two.
The Infosian said "Let's have a test. Whoever makes this monkey laugh, works for the best firm".
Being a pure logical strategist, the person from TCS tried to make the monkey Laugh by telling jokes. The monkey stayed still. As a more practical consultant, the Wipro guy tried to make funny gestures... No good, the monkey stayed put. Now, comes the Infosian. Being the practical guy he was always trained to be, he whispered something into the monkey's ear, and it burst out laughing at him. The other two were astonished.
So the Wipro guy said "OK, let's take another test. Let's make this monkey cry!!"
So there they went again, applying the same methods as before. The TCS guy narrated sad stories, the Wipro guy made sad gestures, and they failed again.
Then, the Infosian again whispered something into the monkey's ear and oh! It started crying, patting the Infosian's shoulder! The other two just could not believe their eyes!
So the tcs guy said "OK, you've won twice. If you can win just this one, we will bow to you. Let's make this monkey run".
And he barked at the monkey and ordered him to run. Of course, it stayed where it was.. The Wipro guy, true to his type, pushed and prodded the monkey- still No go. So...here comes Infosian, again, and whispers into the monkey's ear. The Monkey just takes off! It runs and runs as fast as it can, as if it was scared to death! The other two surrendered.
They Said: "OK, we give up. You're the best among us, and you work for the Best firm of the three. But please, please tell us your secret," they begged him.
"Well", said the Infosian , "The first time I made it laugh, I told I work for Infosys . The next time, I told the monkey how much I get paid ...so it started crying. And then I told that I was here for recruitment !!!"
"Why don't we prove who is the best among ourselves?"
Why not, said the other two.
The Infosian said "Let's have a test. Whoever makes this monkey laugh, works for the best firm".
Being a pure logical strategist, the person from TCS tried to make the monkey Laugh by telling jokes. The monkey stayed still. As a more practical consultant, the Wipro guy tried to make funny gestures... No good, the monkey stayed put. Now, comes the Infosian. Being the practical guy he was always trained to be, he whispered something into the monkey's ear, and it burst out laughing at him. The other two were astonished.
So the Wipro guy said "OK, let's take another test. Let's make this monkey cry!!"
So there they went again, applying the same methods as before. The TCS guy narrated sad stories, the Wipro guy made sad gestures, and they failed again.
Then, the Infosian again whispered something into the monkey's ear and oh! It started crying, patting the Infosian's shoulder! The other two just could not believe their eyes!
So the tcs guy said "OK, you've won twice. If you can win just this one, we will bow to you. Let's make this monkey run".
And he barked at the monkey and ordered him to run. Of course, it stayed where it was.. The Wipro guy, true to his type, pushed and prodded the monkey- still No go. So...here comes Infosian, again, and whispers into the monkey's ear. The Monkey just takes off! It runs and runs as fast as it can, as if it was scared to death! The other two surrendered.
They Said: "OK, we give up. You're the best among us, and you work for the Best firm of the three. But please, please tell us your secret," they begged him.
"Well", said the Infosian , "The first time I made it laugh, I told I work for Infosys . The next time, I told the monkey how much I get paid ...so it started crying. And then I told that I was here for recruitment !!!"
NEW CAR OPERATING SYSTEM
Bill's company made software to run a car.
Bill was taking a test ride of the car. Suddenly a truck came from opposite side.
Bill pressed ctrl+b to apply brakes.
A pop-up window appeared asking, "Are you sure you really want to stop?"
Before Bill could enter "Yes", there was a crash and the car caught fire.
In panic Bill forgot the password to open the door.
He started shouting "F1! F1!" but there was no computer professional present there to understand his screams.
Then he tried to come out through the car window-pane.
A message appeared on the screen, "An illegal function is performed.
All the window-panes of the car will be closed." Poor Bill died.
Messengers of death took away his soul and said to him, "You have never ever performed any good deeds in your life. You always stole the code from others. We are going to send you to hell."
Bill pleaded, "I am ready to go to hell but do provide me a computer, please."
Messengers of death smiled inwardly and permitted him a computer, but with no Alt, Ctrl and Delete keys on the keyboard.
Bill was taking a test ride of the car. Suddenly a truck came from opposite side.
Bill pressed ctrl+b to apply brakes.
A pop-up window appeared asking, "Are you sure you really want to stop?"
Before Bill could enter "Yes", there was a crash and the car caught fire.
In panic Bill forgot the password to open the door.
He started shouting "F1! F1!" but there was no computer professional present there to understand his screams.
Then he tried to come out through the car window-pane.
A message appeared on the screen, "An illegal function is performed.
All the window-panes of the car will be closed." Poor Bill died.
Messengers of death took away his soul and said to him, "You have never ever performed any good deeds in your life. You always stole the code from others. We are going to send you to hell."
Bill pleaded, "I am ready to go to hell but do provide me a computer, please."
Messengers of death smiled inwardly and permitted him a computer, but with no Alt, Ctrl and Delete keys on the keyboard.
GUJARATI FUNERAL
A family in Gujarat was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother (Ba) arrived from the US . It was sent by one of the daughters.
The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid; they found a letter on top addressed to her brothers and sisters:
Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben and Varsha,
I am sending Ba's body to you, since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in GUJARAT .
Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed.
You will find inside the coffin, under Ba's body, cans of cheese,
10 packets of Tobler chocolates and 8 packets of Badam (peanuts) please divide these among all of you.
On Ba's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshmi's sons. Hope the sizes are correct.
Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan.
Just distribute the rest among yourselves.
The 2 new Jeans that Ba is wearing are for the boys.
The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba's left wrist.
Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them off her.
The 6 white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among my nephews.
Please distribute all these fairly.
PS : If anything more required let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well now a days
The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid; they found a letter on top addressed to her brothers and sisters:
Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben and Varsha,
I am sending Ba's body to you, since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in GUJARAT .
Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed.
You will find inside the coffin, under Ba's body, cans of cheese,
10 packets of Tobler chocolates and 8 packets of Badam (peanuts) please divide these among all of you.
On Ba's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshmi's sons. Hope the sizes are correct.
Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan.
Just distribute the rest among yourselves.
The 2 new Jeans that Ba is wearing are for the boys.
The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba's left wrist.
Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them off her.
The 6 white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among my nephews.
Please distribute all these fairly.
PS : If anything more required let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well now a days
HORSE BACK RIDING
A blonde named Anna had a near death experience.
The other day when she went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off.
Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got caught in the stirrup. When this happened, she fell head first to the ground. Her head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down.
Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager happened to walk by and unplug it.
The other day when she went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off.
Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got caught in the stirrup. When this happened, she fell head first to the ground. Her head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down.
Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager happened to walk by and unplug it.
A DRUNK ON THE BUS
A drunk gets on a bus. The driver, impatient while the drunk fumbles in his pocket for change, drives off. As the bus starts rolling, the drunk reacts to the sudden movement by stumbling all the way to the back of the bus. The bus stops at the next stop.
He reacts by stumbling to the front of the bus.
Still the drunk man is fumbling in his pocket for change. The bus jerks forward once again, and the drunk stumbles uncontrollably to the back of the bus once again. Next stop, the same thing happens.
In fact, every time the bus stops, the man would stagger to the front. Every time the bus starts, he staggers uncontrollably to the back.
A few stops later, the drunk starts to exit the bus from the front.
"Hey," shouts the bus driver.... "You didn't pay your fare yet!"
The drunk, still reeling, shouts back,
"Why should I?!. . . I walked all the way!"
He reacts by stumbling to the front of the bus.
Still the drunk man is fumbling in his pocket for change. The bus jerks forward once again, and the drunk stumbles uncontrollably to the back of the bus once again. Next stop, the same thing happens.
In fact, every time the bus stops, the man would stagger to the front. Every time the bus starts, he staggers uncontrollably to the back.
A few stops later, the drunk starts to exit the bus from the front.
"Hey," shouts the bus driver.... "You didn't pay your fare yet!"
The drunk, still reeling, shouts back,
"Why should I?!. . . I walked all the way!"
banta's interview
AN INTERESTING INTERVIEW
Interviewer :Let me check your word Power...
Banta :Ok Sir ....
Interviewer : Tell me the opposite of .....good.
Banta :hmmmm..... Bad
Interviewer : Come
Banta : Go.
Interviewer : Ugly.
Banta : Pichlli.
Interviewer : PICHLLIIIII?
Banta : UGLYYYYYYYYY..
Interviewer : Shut Up.
Banta : Keep Talking.
Interviewer k now stop these all..
Bantak now carry on this all
Interviewer :abe...chup ho ja..chup ho ja..chup ho jaaaa
Banta:abe bolta rah..bolta rah..bolta rahhh
Interviewer :Areeee yaaar
Banta: areeee dushmannnnnn
Interviewer : Get Out.
Banta : Come In.
Interviewer : Oh my God.
Banta : Oh my Devil.
Interviewer : U r Rejected.
Banta: I m selected...I M SELECTED???REALLY??BALLE BALLE
Interviewer :Let me check your word Power...
Banta :Ok Sir ....
Interviewer : Tell me the opposite of .....good.
Banta :hmmmm..... Bad
Interviewer : Come
Banta : Go.
Interviewer : Ugly.
Banta : Pichlli.
Interviewer : PICHLLIIIII?
Banta : UGLYYYYYYYYY..
Interviewer : Shut Up.
Banta : Keep Talking.
Interviewer k now stop these all..
Bantak now carry on this all
Interviewer :abe...chup ho ja..chup ho ja..chup ho jaaaa
Banta:abe bolta rah..bolta rah..bolta rahhh
Interviewer :Areeee yaaar
Banta: areeee dushmannnnnn
Interviewer : Get Out.
Banta : Come In.
Interviewer : Oh my God.
Banta : Oh my Devil.
Interviewer : U r Rejected.
Banta: I m selected...I M SELECTED???REALLY??BALLE BALLE
must read at least once
Dear All
This is something we should all read at least once a week!
Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio to celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.
It is the most-requested column I've ever written." My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once More
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and Parents will stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their Journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God Never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind & soothes the soul
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. it’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is Up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no
For an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, and wear the fancy clothes. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, and then go with the flow.
23. be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. the most important organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five
Years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31 However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. growing old beats the alternative - dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d Grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Listen, yield and share hugs and knowledge with abandon.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
This is something we should all read at least once a week!
Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio to celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.
It is the most-requested column I've ever written." My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once More
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and Parents will stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their Journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God Never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind & soothes the soul
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. it’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is Up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no
For an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, and wear the fancy clothes. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, and then go with the flow.
23. be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. the most important organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five
Years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31 However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. growing old beats the alternative - dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d Grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Listen, yield and share hugs and knowledge with abandon.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
ek ladki thi
Ek ladki thi deewani si
Mobile lekar chalti thi
Nazrain jhuka ke
Sharma ke
Mobile mein jaane kya dekha karti thi
Kuchh karna tha shaayad usko
Par jaane kis se darti thi
Jab bhi milti thi mujhse
Yehi poochha karti thi
Yeh ON kaise hota hai,
Yeh ON kaise hota hai
aur main sirf yehi kahta tha
ye mobile nahi TV ka remote hai
Mobile lekar chalti thi
Nazrain jhuka ke
Sharma ke
Mobile mein jaane kya dekha karti thi
Kuchh karna tha shaayad usko
Par jaane kis se darti thi
Jab bhi milti thi mujhse
Yehi poochha karti thi
Yeh ON kaise hota hai,
Yeh ON kaise hota hai
aur main sirf yehi kahta tha
ye mobile nahi TV ka remote hai
want to laugh
Brad Pitt and Vidya Balan get married
After marriage, lots of students gather at their home.... why???
..
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because her name becomes Vidya Pitt (vidyapeeth)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
rahul gandhi --> mom, aapaki wajah se meri shaadi nahi ho paaa
rahi........................................
sonia gandhi --> kyun beta????????????????
rahul gandhi --> har taraf to likha hai ki sonia ko bahumat do
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BRUCE LEE was a great man
But after his sister gave birth to a baby he became an ordinary man...
why?
Because he became
MAMU LEE!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day Ravan went to a disco.........................
aur wahan jaakar woh behosh ho gaya...................
kyun???????????????????
kyun??????????????
bcoz it was written on the gate than "entry fee Rs.1500 per head"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
who make Ganesh to Anesh...????
ThinK......
Think......
okay....
" KAILASH KHER "
tere naam se " G " loon....
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ek din ek aadmi apne naukar ko Priya Gold biscuit laane bolta hai. To
naukar biscuit laane Pakistan jaata hai.
Kyon??????
Think............
Give up??
Coz...
"Priya Gold biscuit. Haq se maango."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:
Ek nadi thi......
uske upar ek pull bana hua tha.....
pull par bahut saari ladkiyan khadi thi......
sab ki sab ek hi ladke ki deewani thi.....
Guess who was the lucky guy??????
.......
.......
.......
Keep Guessing......
.......
.......
.......
Chalo yaar....the answer is
"KISNA"
Jo hai albela mad naino wala...
jiski diwani BRIDGE ki har bala.....
woh kisna hai
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
if a CAT crosses ur way , when u are going some where , then what does it
mean???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
?
?
?
it means that the Cat is also going somewhere
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
santa and banta r discussing---------
santa----- "if i drink coffee, i ca'nt sleep!!!!"
Banta----- "with me it's the opposite.if i sleep i can't drink coffee."
After marriage, lots of students gather at their home.... why???
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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because her name becomes Vidya Pitt (vidyapeeth)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
rahul gandhi --> mom, aapaki wajah se meri shaadi nahi ho paaa
rahi........................................
sonia gandhi --> kyun beta????????????????
rahul gandhi --> har taraf to likha hai ki sonia ko bahumat do
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BRUCE LEE was a great man
But after his sister gave birth to a baby he became an ordinary man...
why?
Because he became
MAMU LEE!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day Ravan went to a disco.........................
aur wahan jaakar woh behosh ho gaya...................
kyun???????????????????
kyun??????????????
bcoz it was written on the gate than "entry fee Rs.1500 per head"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
who make Ganesh to Anesh...????
ThinK......
Think......
okay....
" KAILASH KHER "
tere naam se " G " loon....
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ek din ek aadmi apne naukar ko Priya Gold biscuit laane bolta hai. To
naukar biscuit laane Pakistan jaata hai.
Kyon??????
Think............
Give up??
Coz...
"Priya Gold biscuit. Haq se maango."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:
Ek nadi thi......
uske upar ek pull bana hua tha.....
pull par bahut saari ladkiyan khadi thi......
sab ki sab ek hi ladke ki deewani thi.....
Guess who was the lucky guy??????
.......
.......
.......
Keep Guessing......
.......
.......
.......
Chalo yaar....the answer is
"KISNA"
Jo hai albela mad naino wala...
jiski diwani BRIDGE ki har bala.....
woh kisna hai
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
if a CAT crosses ur way , when u are going some where , then what does it
mean???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
?
?
?
it means that the Cat is also going somewhere
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
santa and banta r discussing---------
santa----- "if i drink coffee, i ca'nt sleep!!!!"
Banta----- "with me it's the opposite.if i sleep i can't drink coffee."
sms shairi
Kal na phir ye samaa hoga,
Hum mein se kaun najaane kahaan hoga..?
Murjhaaye phool to mil jaenge kitaabon mein,
Par bicchde Doston ka shayad hi koi pataa hoga….
............ ......... ......... ......... ..
Kismat par etabar kisko hain
Mil jaye khusi inkar kisko hain
Kuch majbooriya hain mere dost
Warana judai se pyar kisko hain
............ ......... ......... ......... ..
Main tod leta agar wo GULAB hoti,
Main jawab banta agar wo SAWAL hoti,
Sab jante hai main nasha nahi karta,
phir bhi pi leta agar wo SHARAB hoti
............ ......... ......... ......... ..
Shaam chirago se saja rakkhi hain..
Shart logo se laga rakkhi hain,
shayad aa jaye koi humse bhi zyada pyasa,
yahi sochkar thodi si bacha rakkhi hain....
Hum mein se kaun najaane kahaan hoga..?
Murjhaaye phool to mil jaenge kitaabon mein,
Par bicchde Doston ka shayad hi koi pataa hoga….
............ ......... ......... ......... ..
Kismat par etabar kisko hain
Mil jaye khusi inkar kisko hain
Kuch majbooriya hain mere dost
Warana judai se pyar kisko hain
............ ......... ......... ......... ..
Main tod leta agar wo GULAB hoti,
Main jawab banta agar wo SAWAL hoti,
Sab jante hai main nasha nahi karta,
phir bhi pi leta agar wo SHARAB hoti
............ ......... ......... ......... ..
Shaam chirago se saja rakkhi hain..
Shart logo se laga rakkhi hain,
shayad aa jaye koi humse bhi zyada pyasa,
yahi sochkar thodi si bacha rakkhi hain....
clinton's secret box
Bill & Hillary Clinton are celebrating their 25th Anniversary. All 25 years Bill has kept a large box under his side of the bed. He asked Hillary never to look in his box, and so she obeyed. But, on the morning of their 25th, she couldn`t stand the suspense any longer. She opened the box and there were three empty beer cans and $1800 cash. She closed the box and put it back.
At dinner, she looks to Bill and says, "Bill, I never looked in your box all 25 years, but I had to look today. The suspense was killing me. Though, I`m confused. Why three beer cans and $1800?"
He looks at her a few moments then tells her. "Hillary, every time I was unfaithful to you, I kept an empty beer can."
Hillary still looks puzzled." Ok Bill, I know the three times you were unfaithful. I`m hurt but that`s over with, But why $1800?"
Bill says," Well, every time the box got full, I went to recycling and kept the money."
At dinner, she looks to Bill and says, "Bill, I never looked in your box all 25 years, but I had to look today. The suspense was killing me. Though, I`m confused. Why three beer cans and $1800?"
He looks at her a few moments then tells her. "Hillary, every time I was unfaithful to you, I kept an empty beer can."
Hillary still looks puzzled." Ok Bill, I know the three times you were unfaithful. I`m hurt but that`s over with, But why $1800?"
Bill says," Well, every time the box got full, I went to recycling and kept the money."
overconfidence
Overconfidence !!!
Collection of funny jokes? Click here to join group
It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boy said,
"But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."
"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"
With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
*********
Collection of funny jokes? Click here to join group
It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boy said,
"But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."
"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"
With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
*********
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